So, I've told the story so many times. I get bored with it. I have to believe that those I tell are also bored with it. Yet, my friends still ask about it. My good friends don't have to ask. I just volunteer the latest Satan story, for lack of better words. I know it's not appropriate to refer to a 17 year old girl as Satan. But I can't help it. I've never known anyone like her. Tho the more I tell the story, the more stories I hear of teens of similar nature. Tho none so good at playing a game as Satan. Maybe I'll find a different word down the road. I doubt it.
I never know if I should start at the beginning, or the end. There is no end. There will never be an end. Only short breaks. The longest break for me was six months. James has never had a break. I wonder, had he known what he was in for, if he had known 15 years ago what was in store for him with her, if he would have tried so hard. I'm glad he didn't know. This just adds to his accomplishments.
I have been tried, convicted, sentenced, and hung in the seemingly High Court of the Kansas Department of SRS. When I say "I" there is really a "we" but I was an only child for nine years. Consequently, I'm selfish when it comes to matters that affect "me".
I am a child abuser. Yes, me. Nominated for CASA of the year right out of the shoot; former vocal advocate for children; quite nearly completed MAPPS training to foster; went to school with the career goal of Juvenile Probation; mother of a child diagnosed at the age of 15 with text-book rapid cycling manic depression; known around Reno County to 21 and 24 year-olds as "Ashli's mom" or "Brandi's mom". Never Tori, no. I am "Ashli's mom" or "Brandi's mom". I married a man just last year who has fathered six children. I am a child abuser.
The time-line of events is tight. Very tight. So tight that, Kansas Social Worker, Hope Fike, admitted it took her, at best, three hours of investigation to come to this sound conclusion. Three hours. I have a cubic foot box which is roughly 85% full of documentation. It took me countless hours to review this documentation. And, I'm not done. It was a first-run review. Not an in-depth review. But, for a seasoned social worker like Hope Fike, she can substantiate child abuse after a three hour investigation which included two face-to-face interviews and two phone calls each 5 weeks apart.
It would be easy to say, "It all began one hot summer day". But it didn't really start there. I suppose, to condense, I could say, "It all began in the fall of 2006". That's not when the train left the station. But it was the beginning of the biggest train wreck I have ever witnessed first hand. And it's still wrecking.
My husband has a daughter who is now 17. Since she is a juvenile, I shall call her "Amanda". In the fall of 2006, she was 15. He has had sole custody of her since she was eight years old. She had a rough beginning. Can't argue that. James and her mom, Shawna, married far too young. James was experiencing his own PTSD and was (by my definition) a loose canon. When Amanda was four, her mother called James asking if he could take Amanda and her little brother. You see, Shawna couldn't have children where she was living. I'm not sure I understand that. I once rented a house where I couldn't have pets - but I was never told I couldn't have children.
James was not in a spot where he could do this. He was living with his mom who had another new husband. The new husband said "no" to children also. Consequently, the two kids were placed in foster care.
Over the next four years, these two kids bounced back and forth between Shawna's and foster care. During this time, Shawna also bore a third child. This child was also placed into the foster system. Several times the children were returned to her only to be removed due to her living conditions.
James attended each and every juvenile court appearance with his court appointed attorney. Prior to the hearings the attorney would ask James questions but added nothing to assist him in these proceedings. I have worked for attorneys, court appointed attorneys in juvenile matters. I have to believe James. He has never lied, nor fabricated any story or any event. The more I know him, the more I realize that crazy crap just happens.
James also attended his supervised visitation with the young Amanda. At one visitation, the supervisor asked James to stick around; she had some questions. She marveled at his relationship with Amanda. Commenting that their relationship contradicted everything in her case file. By all "professional" accounts, James had no relationship with Amanda, refused to cooperate, and did nothing on the case plan. She is the one who got the internal ball rolling in assisting James in gaining custody of Amanda. Miraculously, this did happen by the time Amanda was eight. James is proud, yet resentful, that he accomplished this all on his own. For four years, he watched Shawna receive all the assistance from the Social Workers and Case Workers. He claims, and I now believe him, they held her hand every baby step of the way. Each time, she failed. Not just failed, but failed her children.
The day before the permanent custody hearing, James had a meeting with Rebecca McCartney, the Sedgwick County Social Worker who threw every obstacle she could find at James. She informed him that she would recommend to the court that this matter continue on status quo for six more months. At the actual hearing, the next day, Judge Jenny Jones, recognized the accomplishments that James had made and granted him sole custody of Amanda.
James admits that things were good for eight years, until his next child, Winter, was born. Amanda's attitude began to deteriorate. When his next daughter, Trinity, was born less than two years later, Amanda realized that she would never ever be the "only child" and things went quickly downhill.
When I met James in late 2005, Amanda was living with James' mom near Topeka. In March 2006, I officially got to know Amanda. James' mom called late one evening during spring break, demanding that James meet her in El Dorado to pick up Amanda. She had had enough. Amanda had thrown a skate at her new "partner", live-in", whatever. That was the final straw.
Again, things were fine for a time. Amanda was insistent that James find a house in an area where she could attend her high school of choice. He did this. Shortly after school began in the fall of 2006, Amanda made new friends and had a new life. At that time, James had custody of Amanda and her three siblings. A single dad of four. No child support, no parental support, no single dad support, and limited SRS support in the form of daycare and a Vision Card.
Things became intolerable for James in September/October . Each morning he would leave the house by 6:00 a.m. to deliver the kids to daycare and get to work by 7:00. Amanda would ride the bus to and from school. James would get off of work at 3:30. Amanda got off the bus, in front of the house, at 3:25. Each day, James would come home to an empty house. No note, no call, no nothing. He would fix supper and wait for Amanda to return. Each day, he gave the same lecture: that she inform him of "who, where, when, and a phone number". He was surprised to find a note on the door one day. One day. That's it. Just one. James began grounding Amanda, one week at a time. What difference did that make? None. She knew his schedule and what was he going to do to her? She was gone before he got home. Each night. He eventually learned that there were days that Amanda did not go to school. She even went so far as to call in pretending to be me.
Towards the end of December, James called me. He had come home early and watched Amanda get off the bus and head two doors down to her friends' house. He had had enough and was begging for help. My roommate, who works at the Hutchinson Police Department offered the "duh" solution. Call the police. She's not where she's to be; she doesn't have permission to be anywhere BUT home; she's a runaway. So, James called. That night, he had to call three times. She left the house after the first and second call. She ran her mouth prompting the third call. She was taken to the Wichita Children's Shelter.
There were no court hearings. The social worker involved unilaterally decided it was best for Amanda to reside with her mom. Her mom who had never held a job, had no driver's license, no car, lived completely off of SRS. This social worker held a meeting with James explaining that if he did not agree to this arrangement, Amanda would be placed in foster care and James would be liable for $2,400.00 per month in child support. The end. James signed.
Of course, James would learn shortly after that signing that he had been bullied - that there is no way in hell that a single father of 4 who works as a construction framer, who doesn't even gross $2,400 per month could ever be held liable for that amount. But social workers excel at manipulation and taking advantage of their "cases". James even warned this social worker that Amanda did her absolute worse at her mom's. That whatever trouble he had with her would pale in comparison to the trouble she would be in at her mom's. Deaf ears.
James and I had several conversations over the ensuing months about "when" the call would come and what we would do. It came - less than six months later. June 25. We received a phone message from the Sedgwick County Juvenile Intake and Assessment. They had Amanda there and needed James to come and pick her up. Just like that. The exact same song, second verse. Amanda had hit her pregnant mom in the stomach. Yes, the same mom who ultimately lost custody of her first three kids, had two more kids, and was now pregnant with her sixth child; fifth dad. The dad she met on the internet, flew to New York (leaving Amanda home alone for a week), got knocked up, and then planned to move to New York.
From December through June there was no contact from Amanda and very little contact from her mom. She did notify James that she would be moving to New York and Amanda would go with her. We later learned that Amanda absolutely did not want to move to New York. Thus the battery. She backed herself into the corner when she learned that James and the little kids had moved to Hutchinson. After a bucket of tears, three dozen "I'm so sorry daddy"'s, and promises of doing better, James brought Amanda back to Hutchinson. Five of us were living in a two bedroom house. Now there were six.
While Amanda was at JIAC , I was called and we held a phone conference. I asked to speak with Amanda alone. I told Amanda our living arrangement was not ideal; that I did not like it for us or her as I only have a two bedroom house and she would have to reside in the family room for a time. She asked why we moved to Hutch. I told her that my tenants had moved and it would be better and easier to live here and James would drive back and forth to Wichita. I told her there would be rules to follow but that she was absolutely welcome.
When James and Amanda arrived home, I hugged her and told her that I had missed her. I showed her to her “living quarters”, which is the family room with a fold-out couch.
We didn't push Amanda for the first couple of days – wanted to give her time to recoup and regroup. However, Friday, June 30, 15 minutes before the little kids mom arrived to pick them up, Amanda decided she wanted to go with Vanessa as she was her “stepmom for 14 years” and she wanted to see her. James let her go along with strict instructions to both that Amanda was to be with Vanessa the entire weekend and not out of her sight. (NOTE: we discovered months later through Myspace, that Amanda was with friends that entire weekend and not with Vanessa).
The week Amanda arrived, I called Horizon's and requested Rebecca Sandoval-Kennedy for counseling for Amanda (she had been seeing a therapist at Comcare in Wichita). She was scheduled for an intake appointment on July 6.
That first week went pretty smoothly. Amanda settled in and was somewhat helpful and cooperative. However, she continued to sleep until well into the afternoon even after James informed her that his rules had not changed at all. She still needed to get up and help out around the house. Additionally, Amanda wanted to go with Vanessa every other weekend to Wichita. James allowed this with the understanding that Amanda stay with Vanessa the entire weekend.
The weekends Amanda did not go to Wichita, James encouraged her to get a job to start meeting people. Amanda would lie horizontally on the couch the entire weekend. No amount of telling, ordering or yelling would get her up.
Amanda entered into counseling with Rebecca and had several appointments on her own. Each week, Rebecca encouraged James to attend. However, he was working in Wichita and could not. Rebecca scheduled several months in advance in an effort to include James in the appointments. Eventually, James began working in Hutch and was able to attend appointments with Amanda.
Also during this time, James had to deal with Amanda's pending criminal case in Wichita. She had been arrested for shoplifting at Dillards. Venue was transferred to Reno County, she was adjudicated and placed on probation with Joe Hammeke. At her first probation appointment, Joe asked her about drug use. She volunteered that she had smoked pot in 8th grade. He continued to question her and her story kept changing. He asked her test, she tested positive for THC.
At some point in August or September, Rebecca informed me that we needed to put an end to Amanda's trips to Wichita, that she was doing things that we weren't aware of. I expressed to Rebecca that James and I desperately needed that break. She was understanding but still thought we needed to end those trips. Joe Hammeke also expressed that we end those trips. She went one last time (we didn't want to tip our hand that Rebecca had given us information as well as the little kids previously telling on Amanda) on September 14. When she returned on September 16, she looked like absolute hell. She went straight to bed. On September 17, she claimed she was sick and couldn't go to school. This was her second sick day upon returning from Wichita. I asked her where she was all weekend. She said she was with the kids. I argued that they weren't sick – how could she be. On September 19, I asked her again, where had she been all weekend. She admitted she had been with her friend, Jessica. I asked why she lied to me. She stated she didn't lie. I reminded her that she had told me she was with the kids. She refused to respond. I pressed the issue. She continued to give me the silent treatment. Finally, I told her she would answer my questions or I would bap her upside the head. She responded with, “you touch me, I'll stab you in the throat”. Fortunately, James was still home at this time. I asked if he cared if I called the police or if he had a better idea. He suggested calling Joe Hammeke. So, I called Joe. He said I could call the police but that if I wasn't going to call Family Preservation for assistance, there really wasn't anything he could do. Once I got to work, I called Rebecca who wanted James and I to come in to review Amanda's psych evals that she had taken the previous week. At that time we were informed that Amanda was off the chart suicidal and depressed. The psychologist expressed his extreme concern at the numbers in her evaluation.
On September 20, I again talked to Rebecca over the phone. It was decided that Amanda should be checked into the hospital for treatment either at Hutch Hospital, Prairie View or Good Shepard. When James got off of work, he picked Amanda up from school and took her directly to the hospital. She was not surprised or alarmed. Hutch Hospital was full, so, he ended up taking Amanda to Good Shepard in Wichita.
On September 21, I called SRS to make a report about Amanda threatening me and hoping to get something in place for when Amanda returned home. The lady I spoke with was very nice and took the information and explained that she would type it up and forward it on and someone would contact me the following week. Nobody called.
On or about September 26, I called SRS again as Amanda had been released back home and I felt we had no assistance to move forward. Still no information.
On or about September 28, I called Tina O'Brien directly since we were acquainted on a social basis. She informed me at that time that Hope Fike had been assigned our case. She did not know why she had not called me but would leave a message for her. Hope Fike did call later that morning and I went over all of my concerns again. Hope explained that they would be out within 72 hours of me calling. I told Hope that I wasn't sure of my husbands work schedule. That I would call the following week when I could be sure that he would be home. I called the following Monday or Tuesday. Our first meeting with St. Francis Family Preservation was held on Thursday October 4. We then met with St. Francis each week for two or more hours at a time.
During this time, Amanda was working at Montana Mike's and still making straight A's in school. She had gotten a glowing letter from her Civics teacher about what a great student Amanda was. At home, however, Amanda was following none of the rules, talking rudely to her siblings and dad. Yet still expecting her dad to take her to school and work and pick her up from each. Amanda and I were not speaking unless necessary.
James and I both felt that if Amanda was as extremely depressed as all of the professionals claimed she was, then she needed to make the effort to better herself. I would not take her to school as her attitude at home was in the toilet. The 2 mile walk would not hurt her. It would, however, help ease her depression.
Amanda attended homecoming on October 13. She told James she was going shopping that afternoon. She did not tell him that her boyfriend, Logan, from Wichita, was taking her shopping. I informed James when I learned this. Amanda did not come home from the mall. Rather, she had Logan drop her off at a girlfriends house to get ready. James had asked Amanda what time she'd be home. She said the dance was over around 11:00. Amanda never came home. On Sunday, the 14th, we called one of the parents before 8:00 a.m. Amanda was not there. She did not return until late that afternoon. In the meantime, James had called the police to make a runaway report. When Amanda returned, she was taken to Bob Johnson's by Officer Campbell.
This was the first of Amanda's trips to RCYS for not calling or coming home. The final call came on November 12 at which time she was taken by Officer Sundahl at James request for being “ungovernable”. On November 13, Joe Hammeke became concerned for Amanda's well being. She was released from RCYS custody to check into Hutchinson Hospital for seven days. Upon her release, she was returned to RCYS and subsequently placed into foster care in Bushton, KS.
On November 12, I received an urgent and serious call from James that I needed to come home immediately. An "anonymous" tip had been called in to SRS that Amanda was being emotionally abused. I came home to find Hope Fike sitting at our kitchen table. She asked a series of weird questions, which we answered. Truthfully. James and I pride ourselves on our honesty and ability to be forthright, sometimes far too honest. This was one of those times. Hope Fike was here for less than one hour.
Within 48 hours of Amanda's release from the Hutch Hospital and back into RCYS, a Temporary Custody hearing was held. James had requested a court appointed attorney. However, one was not provided at this hearing. Sever time delay in getting the paperwork to the attorney who was located two floors down. Sensibly, temporary custody was awarded to SRS.
A week or so later, Heather Lassman with St. Francis Academy, left a message on our home answering machine that she was attempting to schedule a case plan conference and we needed to call her if we were interested in attending. If we were interested in attending, she would schedule that at the end of the work day in an effort to be accommodating. On Friday, December 7, I arrived home around 5:30 and checked the mail. St. Francis had sent notice that the case planning conference would be held at their office on Monday, December 10, at 10:00 a.m. Can you do the math? Friday at 5:30 we receive notice that the accommodating case plan would be held three days later (with a weekend involved) at 10:00 a.m. (after dealing with this circus for six months, I believe that 10:00 a.m IS the end of the workday for these people). I immediately call and leave a voice mail for Heather Lassman that we WANT to be involved but that time is NOT acceptable - please call back. She did call back, Monday afternoon. I'd have to check my phone records (located in the cubic foot box) but I recall that we talked for about 50 minutes. I gave her the highlights of Amanda's life and our current situation. Heather assured me that it was not necessary that we attend the case plan. These are informal and not required. Interesting.
While in Bushton, Amanda had seemingly unlimited internet access and posted several borderline pornographic pictures on her myspace. After alerting James' attorney of these pictures, an Immediate Review was held. The Judge ordered Amanda off of the internet completely if the foster parents would not provide a filter.
I believe that Immediate Review was held in March 2008. In April 2008, another review was held. It was to establish the “kinship” place of Amanda with her “grandmother”. The woman St. Francis was claiming to be grandma is Phyllis Cremer. She is of absolutely no kin to Amanda. This was learned 2 minutes before entering into the court room. Shawna bore two children with Phyllis' son, Anthony. They never even lived together. So, one could say that Phyllis is Amanda's mom's ex-boyfriend's mother. How does that a grandmother make?
Phyllis had expressed to St. Francis that it was ridiculous that Amanda not have internet access. Also, she works during the day, leaving Amanda unsupervised for long hours. Not a wise thing to do with this girl.
The Judge, after learning that Amanda had been removed from two foster homes, was currently in a group home, and, had had an altercation with another girl in that home (in which the police were called), ruled against this placement until such time that Amanda could behave herself. She pointed out that there would be no supervision; that Amanda was still not to be on the internet, especially Myspace. She ordered that Joe Hammeke keep his probation on the back burner until a more permanent placement could be made. James was pleased that the judge had put a stop to this placement.
We received a phone call from Joel Kennedy with St. Francis, the first week in June. He was calling to infom James that Amanda had been moved back to Reno County and was at Bob Johnson's. He apologized for the delay in calling. She had been moved on May 27. The group home in Great Bend had been wanting him to come and get her. He would not until school was out. Apparently they too were having trouble with her.
On June 10 we received a phone call from Bob Johnson's to report that Amanda had run away the day previous, but had since returned. She had been enrolled in summer school and had already met up with 2 other “residents” of Bob Johnson and had left the school with them.
We received a few calls from her family support worker indicating that they needed to come and get the rest of her belongings. We waited patiently, but they never came. Interestingly, we had been hearing that they were coming by to get her things since December.
The first of July we received a letter from St. Francis inviting us to another “case plan” conference on July 11. We went and were stunned. Phyllis was there. It had been decided that Amanda would be placed in “kinship” placement with Phyllis (who is not her kin). Amanda's attorney or GAL, had a change of heart and thought that this was a good idea. Just over two months after the judge denied that placement. They had a grand plan for “independent living” programs through St. Francis is Wichita. We knew better than to say anything out loud to this group of people. The only words we spoke were to make arrangements for the family support worker to pick up Amanda's stuff.
The next day, I visited with Joe Hammeke and informed him of St. Francis' decision and plan to go against everything the judge had ordered. Without our knowledge, he sought out Amanda and had her come in for a UA. A dirty UA. Positive again for marijuana.
I spoke with Amanda's Guardian Ad Litem. He had just gotten off of the phone with Joe Hammeke and agreed that Amanda should not live with Phyllis. I asked this attorney what possessed him to change his mind and allow this placement. Did he not know that she's been on “My Space”; that she was reported as a runaway; that the group home placement had been begging for her to be taken out because she refused to cooperate while there? He knew none of this. All reports to him by St. Francis indicated that she was doing well and “getting along” as the Judge had ordered. Hmph.
After expressing our total anger to one another, it occurred to me that James should make a police report. Afterall, St. Francis had “contributed to a child's misconduct” and was guilty of “endangering a child”. I reviewed the statutes. James made a police report directly with a juvenile detective. He has investigated as thoroughly as he can. Not an easy task with dealing with St. Francis and SRS. He is not yet done investigating. However, when I asked if the thought our juvenile prosecutor would act on any of this he gave the response I expected. “Honestly, no.”.
I believe the matter will die here. Amanda turns 18 in November. St. Francis just wants her off of their case load. We are aware that we can talk about this all day long and say whatever suits us. The purpose of putting this in writing is to tell our side of this story. Nobody has asked. SRS and St. Francis have been allowed to put their lies in writing. I have a cubic foot of documents and reports. Someday, I shall sit and highlight what is not true in what they say. I may make my own corrections to their version. SRS and St. Francis will not be allowed to comment or defend themselves. Some may say this writing is a product of “sour grapes”. That we are bitter at the substantiation of emotional child abuse. We are bitter. Extremely bitter.
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